I’ve been thinking a lot about discomfort lately, or rather the avoidance of discomfort. As in, how often do we engage with that which makes us feel uncomfortable? Or how often do we run from discomfort and towards a comforting cookie, glass of wine, or reality tv show?
Maybe it’s because it’s the start of a new season so I started to think about unfulfilled resolutions of the past. I started to wonder why some people want to change but don’t.
Confession: creating this website was one of my resolutions last year! I told myself that it would be the coolest thing ever. I would use this blog as a creative outlet that could hopefully help others.
Yep, I weaved a really nice story and I had good intentions. I actually took some steps toward my goal, but mostly I replayed the story in my head. Wouldn’t it be great if…?
So what stopped me?
I did the practical stuff: did my research and I made a list of all the things I had to do/learn to do. Yet, when it came time to act, I would feel anxious and overwhelmed. I would get this uncomfortable feeling in my chest and I would retreat. Then I would try again. Just go over the list of everything you have to do and go for it! And again, an overwhelming and nagging feeling in my chest. Fear. Paralysis.
Is this really happening?! Come on Grace, get your self together and figure this out. Practice your yoga.
So I started at the most basic, yet useful, place for self inquiry: the breath. I took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled. I breathed into that intense sensation in my chest and gave it space.
Little by little, the discomfort dissipated. Phew, ok, I’m good now.
I went back to my laptop. I was determined to check off two items from my website to-do list. The uncomfortable feeling in my chest returned. Didn’t I just use my breath to make you go away?
It took several failed attempts, at completing my to-do list, before I realized that making the nagging feeling go away was not the goal. The goal was to learn to be with it. Feel it. Observe it. Give it space. Move with it.
This is not new information for me. Funny how life always provides opportunities to practice what we think we have learned. I’ve experienced far more painful physical discomforts. Uh, like mile 20 through 26 during the 2005 NYC marathon! I knew that allowing myself to feel discomfort while moving forward is possible. When I ran the marathon, I knew that I couldn’t breathe the discomfort away. So why was I trying to do that now?
I guess back then I knew there was a clear finish line. Yes, I was surely testing my “edge” by allowing myself to feel pain and push past the negative mind chatter. But, ultimately, I knew: this will be over soon. However, who knows where this website/blog will take me. There is no finish line per se. Deciding to share my thoughts on this blog will involve sharing my vulnerabilities and failures, as well as my successes. So yeah, this process will make me feel uncomfortable. The nagging feeling in my chest will return. But, I move forward with a renewed understanding of it.
The uncomfortable feeling in my chest is a physical sensation. Sometimes it is a gross sensation and sometimes it is subtle.
The uncomfortable feeling in my chest does not mean walk away, it means walk through.
The uncomfortable feeling in my chest is actually a signal that I am moving in the right direction.
My challenge to you my friends is to get to know your discomfort. When does it appear? Where in your body do you feel it? Can you breathe into it and still move forward?
Peace,
Grace
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